Written by: Tatiane Kozijn | Instagram: @tatianekozijn
I’ve heard that I come across a little blunt and direct. Some people like it, some people hate it. Personally I think I just don’t have the energy to filter or sugar coat the things I really want to say. After all, I don’t mean it bad but it’s just a form of honesty. This brought me to the following question. What would happen if we’d all just be honest?
Friendship to me is unconditional, until the rest of my life and build on honesty and trust. If you don’t think about it this way, I’d rather not have it. I truly belief that if you’re not going to be honest, you don’t maintain or build sincere friendships. I prefer having people saying things to me as they are. Hearing something negative might be hurtful for a while, but it’s better to have something standing something in between yourself and your friends because you didn’t have the guts to them tell the things you’ve got on your heart the way are. No filters, no sugar coating. Only the truth. Then you can discuss it and move the hell on. Of course what I just said only concerns the “deep” stuff. When it comes to other things, there’s something to say for a more balanced way of saying things. Let me give you an example. I stood in front of the mirror the other day complaining about my hair that looks like a dead birds nest. No exaggerating. She told me not to worry “it’s all right”. I know she’s lying, but when I think about it, I’d rather have her saying that instead of something like: “you’re right, girl. I don’t understand how you dare going outside looking like this”. So yes, sometimes a softer version of the truth isn’t that bad.
Being honest with yourself
You know what’s even harder than being completely honest with others? Being honest with yourself. It’s easy to look at others and point out and judge their flaws. But being honest with yourself and having the guts to be open about it is a different story. With being honest about yourself to others, you’re putting yourself in an extremely vulnerable position. It might almost feel a little bit like you’re giving someone power. After all, they now know about your weaknesses…
I once had a friend whom I continuously asked how things were going in her relationship because I had a feeling she wasn’t doing very well. Regardless of how many times I asked, she’d always answer that everything was going great. Later it turned out they were having the biggest fights and she opened up about the things she struggled with. Her insecurities, for example. Am I too possessive? Is this normal? Am I a whinger? Does he still like me? Why is that we don’t share these thoughts with people that are close to us, I wonder. Maybe it’s because we know that once we start being honest with others about how we really feel, it forces us to deal with things that we’d rather not be dealing with.
When you look at my Instagram feed and facebook time line, life has been looking pretty amazing lately. Apparently it looks that good that people I haven’t spoken to in years spontaneously have started sending me messages. Travelling in the US for work for an entire month that involves staying in many luxury hotels, doing things I’d never ever dream I’d do sure IS amazing. But at the same time, all those incredible photos are just a matter of seconds, a moment. Truth is that I’m working very, very hard behind the scenes and you don’t see the sleepless nights, tears and mental breakdowns that come with this new lifestyle. While I’m not saying we should now all start posting crying selfies on our facebook timelines, I do think that sharing some real “behind the stories” on what’s going on in our lives is a great and humble thing to do.
From a bigger perspective…
From ourselves, to our friends and in relationships: I firmly believe that honesty can only make things work for the better. Honest people, honest governments. Nobody will be telling us lies about nuclear weapons that have never been found, just an excuse to start another war. Not having the media feeding our fears and negative thoughts. And what about the ever continuing struggle in the Middle East? Bush, couldn’t you just tell us that you were after the oil? So to answer the question that I started this article with I think we’d be living in a much happier, healthier world if we’d all just be honest. Blunt. Direct. No filter. But of course that doesn’t include hurting people unnecessary.